This week sucked. My body aches. I sit before my computer to type about something, to get the jumble of thoughts and emotions out. I came here to let the world back in.
Last night, as I tried to sleep, my thoughts overcame me. I felt myself clawing at a thick fog of darkness in my mind, and heavy in my chest. My feelings flooding back in like an old friend, but something was different. There was a slight calm, that this too will pass. Maybe my meds are working.
So, let me tell you about this love I am letting myself feel through the panic attack, through the racing thoughts, through the chaos. I don't even have a word for this feeling, maybe I should consult a thesaurus. Standby.
Wow, there are a lot of words to describe a feeling. I got lost in a sea of words, and emotions for a minute. Speaking of the sea, have you ever been on a boat or a ship? The deep darkness of night pushing in on you? The stars in the vast sky are clouded, and the twinkle is shrouded by the darkness. You can hear the waves lap the side of the ship rhythmically, softly singing a lullaby to the world. The engines of the ship carry the massive steel of the vessel forward, cutting through the night air. This ship is going somewhere in a forever expanse of nowhere.This calm darkness also pushed in and reminded me that I am so small in the vast world. But my smallness tore through the dark night and I knew that I am a pert of this world.
Where does this leave me today? Remembering that although small, we are great. A florescent dot in the world that cannot be missed.