I got called out the other night because I haven't been blogging. My response? 'I don't want to drag anyone into my dark place'.
As the words left my mouth, I realized I uttered them in my safe place. I was surrounded by female veterans that want to hold my hand and be there with me. They aren't afraid of the all consuming darkness that makes it hard to breath, think, or just be. That night I cried, I sobbed painfully. I felt safe and secure. Thank you, #sheroes
So, let's talk about where we put ourselves in our pain. This is a place that infects us with doubt, anxiety, and questioning our own self worth. The words of love and encouragement creep into this place, only to be shoved at the back of the room; deep into the darkness. That light will never burn out.
Then I came to a realization, this place that I am in isn't total darkness. There is a small burning light in there somewhere. It's my heart, painfully shining it's way through the darkness. That small light is cutting it's way out; and with each moment, growing stronger.
I am allowed to feel scared, I am allowed to doubt, I am allowed to feel anxious, I am allowed to concur, I am allowed to love, I am allowed to feel emotion.
Thank you to my veteran sisters for allowing me. Thank you to my family.