It's been a long week. This is one of those weekends where I really put myself out there, in the middle of the crowd, and hope that my social awkwardness doesn't come out. This time I won't be surrounded by many of my regular peeps that are along side me i public situations. I will be out there interacting with the public and I feel like I have no safety net.
Before my husband headed out this morning, and before I prepared to do battle with myself as I decide what to wear, I choose the time to pray. Sean is headed up to Renewal Church to serve the community with Single Moms Oil Change (SMOC). He is putting himself out there as well. This is the first time that I will not be along side my church family at a SMOC, I feel left out, which is weird. They did not turn away, and not welcome me; I choose to serve with my JLB sisters. I made the choice and now I feel I am missing out on something.
There are time that I want to do it all. Ok, let's be honest, everyday I feel like I want to do it all. This is so exhausting. I want o get out and interact with people, I want to live, yet I'm scared to no end.
What do I say?
What do I do?
Are you thinking about how I tried to put my makeup on and it looks atrocious?
Are you thinking I could have tried to style my hair?
Did I just say something so stupid?
This is the dialogue in my head. This is my fears constantly pressing in on me. Today, today though. Today I am leaving all those thoughts, fears, and insecurities right here on this page. I'm going to enjoy getting myself out there. I will know that when my heart is racing, and there is a lump in my throat, and I feel like running away, that I'm going to take a deep breath, and make sure my head is held high so my crown doesn't fall off. And that my sisters of the traveling crown are right there surrounding me. Leading me, walking along side me, and behind me encouraging. I am surrounded by the love and support of the people God has put in my life.