I have been thinking a lot about these kids in the days leading up to Mother's Day. What are my challenges as a parent? What are my victories? Are the two top questions that I have been thinking about.
We all have challenges, and I do not think that rising kids is a challenge, it is a blessing. I have been entrusted with doing my bast to love, nurture and guide two little humans through life from birth. I can say that I have never failed in a situation as a parent, even when I though I did. Really mom's, we need to put this into perspective. We set out to do the best we can, yet are tripped up by comparing, and thinking we ca do much better. I have realized that instead of being in world of how I should teach and love, I put my heart forward and pour love, patience, kindness, guidance, and support into my children. Oh, don't get me wrong, I discipline, but that is through guidance, and teaching with love.
I was that person that lashed out ad yelled at my kids. To be honest, I sometimes still do in times of frustration. But this isn't what I want to show these children is love and patience and both the best and not so best of me.
When I first held Westley, and then Zayden 9 years later, I was scared poopless. Literally, cause I left all that on the birthing table. Ok, maybe TMI. I realized that I need to keep a tiny human alive. I didn't know what i got myself into. I love my boys fiercely because the emotions overcome me. The love that I have grown in my heart for the young lady that my so has chosen to live and grow in life with, is a totally different story. I never though myself capable of feeling the overwhelming emotions that I feel. I am honored to be a part of this young lady's life.
Towards the end of last year, I decided to go back to work full time, there were several reasons, but one stood out more than the rest. It was by far one of the hardest things I had to do I realized that I was living life for Westley and Kennedy, not living life with them. The first thing I let go of, was doing their laundry, folding it, and putting it away in the spare bedroom. I didn't want these kids to grow up and not need me; I was holding them back. I couple of weeks ago, Kennedy told me that they started making their bed every morning. This is huge!! We all took that step forward and adulted together. Sigh. I do not know if everyone knows how important making your bed every morning is. It sets the rhythm for the day, it the something accomplished first thing. Little things in life matter. I realized that I didn't tell the kids to make their bed everyday, I may have mentioned it in conversation. What I did do was still live them when they didn't make their bed every day.
Going back to work full time also showed Zayden that he was mature enough to get himself on the bus each morning. That responsibility is not scary, but brings about growth. Letting go of these reigns was not easy for me either. But I want to live life with my kids, not for them.
I have learned so much being a mom that extends way beyond my household. These growing humans take my breath away, make me dizzy, and make my heart ache. Thank you for the sunshine, love and laughter each of you brings into my heart.