So back in 2009, my best friend Tina and I decided to get matching tattoos. I'm pretty sure Tina gets all the credit for the design. Wow, it's been 10 years since we got those tats. Where does the time go? The meaning of these tattoos is somewhat simple, but very meaningful to us. You see, the nautical star is there to to guide us, and when we veer off course, each of us is there to hold the line. It may be a season to hold the line and be there. It may be a season to hold the line and help adjust the course. I just know that Tina is there, holding the line, as I am.
I was experiencing a rough time last week, and I turned to those holding the line. My circle of friends, shipmates, sheroes, family, all rally around me when sadness makes my chest heavy. There are times that I feel I can't breath, the heaviness of anxiety creeping through my body. I lose focus, I feel lost, alone and angry. Can someone please help me? Why am I not strong enough to help myself?
I cannot express the words that I feel when I know that my people are here for me. In the times I feel lost and alone, the breath in my chest choking, the pain in my heart crushing down. I want to walk into a room full of people and not have to pretend I'm not scared. I don't want you to look at me, I might trip, fall, say the wrong thing. I want to be the life of the party, so you don't see the hurt and loss of control I have. There are tears right around the next corner, but I keep them there, I don't dare turn that corner. I am OK.
But, there are the occasions that I don't overcome with emotion, when I don't feel like the walls are creeping in to take away the air I breath. These are the times I know you are holding the line. You know who you are, thank you. See, when I know you have the line, I can relax. I'm me. I'm the person I was, and the person I'm meant to be. Watch out, she's coming back. I am stripping away each layer of doubt, fear, worthlessness that I feel and I am embracing my life.
Thank you for shining light into the darkness, thank you for helping me find my way. Thank you for holding the line.