Taking my First Step

Today marks a new day, a day that I have spent the last couple of years headed towards. I did not know until a few months ago that I would take this bold step forward, but here I am. Today I am taking control of the thoughts that haunt me and I am moving forward boldly. Today I start Military Trauma Therapy.

Just saying those words makes my stomach turn, my chest get heavy, I can't breath, I'm dizzy, I get hot and my thoughts race away. I can't stop the physical response to what my mind is thinking. I want to curl up and hide. Wow, I'm really putting myself out there.

I spent 21 wonderful years in the military, but I was left with a few scars that no one can see. This past weekend, I had the privilege of attending the The Battle Within Monument Unveiling. This monument shines light on wounds that are not seen. I stood there and remembered two of my shipmates that lost their battle, it could have been me. I have begun to understand why it wasn't me, and fall to my knees in humble thanks.

This day was filled with emotion that I cannot express, and I thank my veteran sisters for standing beside me as I silently poured out my love, confusion, fear, hope, and sorrow that day.


I miss you Jennifer Waldrop.
I miss you Barry Yawn.

My heart aches.